Things I Swore I Would Never Say/Do

This post is dedicated to my mom. While growing up we definitely had our ups and downs, filled with typical mom-daughter arguments along with other serious fights that stemmed from frustration and inability to effectively communicate with one another. I remember many times, I found myself engaging in major eye rolling after such arguments and saying to myself "I will NEVER say that or do that when I have kids." Oh, little did I know back then.

Fast forward a few years and a few birthdays later and I find myself saying/doing the following things I swore I would never say/do. Mom, I'm not sure if you realize or know that these things used to annoy me as much as they did and I'm not sure if you realize that you said them but now, I find myself laughing every. time. I hear myself saying/doing these things. So without further a due: the things I SWORE I would NEVER say/do:

"Everything has a home/place."- My mom used to say this to me about my room and I will admit, it drove me absolutely batty. Growing up, our house was always clean. It was always presentable so if an unexpected visitor would stop by, we wouldn't be scrambling around trying to tidy up quick. My mom still keeps her house this way and it's something I try to emulate now. Sometimes successfully and other times, not so much. But one thing she would always remind me is that everything should have its place/home and if it didn't, well, golly we better find it a home or get rid of it! Now, I have a child who is a hoarder. This kid "collects"  junk random things and puts it all in the storage shelf in her bed. From trinkets and small toys to.... socks. What? Weird, I know. And of course, everything is in a specific place and before bed we have to organize our collection JUST so. She even says to me, "look mom, it's my collection." Yes, Sophia, I see your junk collection. I find myself, all too often, trailing behind her, constantly picking up the most random odds and ends of things, reminding her that everything has a home and if she doesn't find a home for it RIGHT NOW, in the trash it goes. Sound familiar? Yeaaaah...

"Do you have to poop?" Whenever I would complain that my stomach would hurt, one of the first things my mom would ask me is, "Have you gone to the bathroom lately? Maybe you have to poop." I don't think I have to say much else about this one.

Redoing/Recleaning: When I was growing up and started to help with chores around the house, a common argument you could hear was when my mom would stop me and either make me redo something or re-do it herself. I frequently mumbled beneath my breath "Do it yourself then!" (sorry mom! :)) Now, admittedly, I have a very certain way of cleaning and how I want things to be done and I have to sometimes literally slap my own hand when I get the urge to "fix" something Will or Sophia have already done.

"If you're going to do it, you might as well do it right the first time." This sort of goes with the above action. I am sorry mom but at the time, when you would say this to me, I wanted to pull my hair out. But now, I get it, I understand. I feel your pain. But I do cringe inside a little every time I hear myself telling this to Will.  It's something I know I need to loosen up a little about and know that just because it's not the way I would do it, that's it not necessarily the wrong way either. And I apologize in advance to Sophia and Saidey because I can guarantee I will say it again to them at some point in their life.

So, when you think about all those things you thought you would NEVER do to your kids- those are the very things you most likely will find yourself doing. I guess life is funny like that. As I have gotten older, the things that I used to get mad at my Mom for, now that I am a mom, I see things in a whole different light. And I wholeheartedly apologize for giving her hell during those times. I get it now.

Babywearing for the WIN

When I had Sophia, my former supervisor from the YWCA Ames-ISU, Sherrie, visited us. After catching up and talking about all things kid related she brought up the topic of babywearing. The only experience I had with babywearing was a Bjorn we received from my sister in law, Sara. I had tried it a few times and enjoyed it but it wasn’t anything earth shattering. Sherrie told me about the Moby wrap- essentially a long piece of fabric you wrap your baby with. Intrigued- Will, Sophia and I ventured to Little Padded Seats that very night and purchased our first Moby wrap.  With a little bit of practicing, I had wrapped Sophia in our first front carry. After a while though, the novelty seemed to wear off and it got stashed to the back of the closet.

Then along came Saidey and after a few hazardous trips to the grocery store and  having my hands full with a diaper bag, car seat carrier and a three year old, I whipped that Bjorn and Moby wrap back out of their hiding. The Bjorn was great when Saidey was a little squish- she was light enough that there was not much strain on my back. The Moby was also super comfortable but a little too much fabric for me especially with errand running. But I knew I wanted something that was a little more versatile and had the ability to grow with baby. I joined Babywearing International of Central Iowa on Facebook and there my folks, was where an obsession grew. I didn't even know that this whole new world was out there! The options, OH the options that are out there- the colors, patterns and different fabrics- I was in heaven!  I found myself scrolling through other member’s posts about their wraps- abbreviations like SSC, RS, FWCC, BWCC, WCRS, and WCMT were flying around and I couldn’t get enough. I eventually joined other babywearing groups on Facebook, buy/sell/trade groups and soon was like a crazy person constantly perusing all things babywearing. Eventually, we decided to try a wrap- I ordered one from Little Frog- a wrap retailer from Poland. It is probably my go to wrap even today.  Since then we have added one other wrap, an ERGO and a ring sling.

If you are going to have a baby or even have an older infant I strongly suggest you check into babywearing- it’s been a life saver but also a huge way for us to bond. Many carriers you can even discreetly nurse in too! Please check out all the benefits of babywearing! As always, with anything related to your little squish, please check out their safety guidelines!

                                                                Love, love this!

Scrambled

There are many thoughts swirling around my head right now. Thoughts of what I want to write about. I've thought about writing about depression, resiliency, or the importance of mental health awareness. For some reason, the news of Robin Williams' death really hit hard for me. I'm not sure if it's because he's someone famous that I have grown up with watching on the big screen that was apparently dealing with mental health issues or what it exactly was but for some reason when I heard the news, I was hit with a wave of unexpected sadness. I went on Facebook after the girls had gone to bed last night and my newsfeed was exploding with the news, people talked about the impact he made on people's lives and some even posted about the importance of mental health awareness. Even myself, as the events that have occurred have caused me to replace a post about baby wearing to a post about mental health. While I think the posts are a great way to promote mental health awareness, it saddens me that it takes a tragedy to get people talking about the importance of mental health. But on the other hand, what if this is the perfect opportunity to talk about it, because sometimes as humans we do get so stuck in our own stuff that it takes something BIG to jolt ourselves out of it? In the times of tragedy, people may be more receptive to talking about mental health and its impact on society. Unfortunately when a tragedy does occur it makes it REAL to people whereas it can be an issue that's sort of "out there" for people, out of sight, out of mind. Something like- if it doesn't affect me at this very moment, I'm not going to worry about it kind of thing?

Every. single. day. people are fighting struggles that we know little about. To the person bagging your groceries to the quiet girl sitting in your office. Everybody has a story. At least for me, sometimes I can get caught up in the small stuff. When things like a death occur, it really reminds me of the grand scheme of things. The important stuff. Sometimes, we can get so caught up in our own "stuff" that we forget to look around and notice other people's "stuff." Or even when we do notice, we aren't sure what to do to help.

I wrote a post about how things aren't always as they seem and that post really seems true in this moment. I talked briefly about things that I am slowly working on and getting out in the open and thankfully, have the support of friends and family as well as other protective factors in place to do so safely. Others aren't so lucky. So, please take the time to not only take care of yourself but be aware of your friends and family member's mental health- there are signs, you just have to know what to look for!

A Few of My Favorite Things

I have been meaning to make a list of a few of my favorite essentials for babies/kiddos. I finally sat down and compiled a list of products that are my go-tos and if you’re having a baby, will most likely receive from me :) 

Boogie Wipes: These are a must for cold season, well, any season for that matter! We always have at least one package floating between home, the car and daycare.

Aden + Anais- At first, I was going to rave about these -which are the best!  But then I said, “Oh wait, these are amazing too!” These can be used as a swaddler or blanket and they are soooo soft and come in great patterns/colors. So, I think it’s safe to say that you can’t go wrong with any product from this line.

Honest Company- We started trying a few of Honest products when I saw a great deal on Zulily. I ordered the shampoo and conditioner and my obsession grew from there. You can imagine my excitement when they started selling their products at Target. We have since purchased healing balm  and diaper rash cream.   And both are winners. We also love their diapers for long trips away from home when we don’t want to use cloth diapers.

Babylegs: Even if you don’t use cloth diapers I think every little man or lady needs a pair of these. They are just so darn cute. And they can rock them with just a T or onesie. No messin’ with pants business here! Also, this site offers great deals- I wait until I can get the deal that you buy 5 and only pay shipping and handling, I think it amounted to $12.

Picture of Saidey rockin her babylegs: 

Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper Bags: These are a little pricey but I believe are well worth the money. I can’t tell you how many diaper bags I have purchased on the quest of finding THAT perfect one. I think I found it in this one. It has the ability to be turned into a backpack and it’s built with a removable diaper pad. Just to give you an idea of its roominess- we can fit a wetbag with a few cloth diapers, wipes container and wipe solution as well as a nursing cover and a few other essentials. (extra change of clothes etc.) and we have plenty of room.  And it comes in some awesome patterns/colors- which is a pretty important aspect, if you ask me :)

Ergo Baby Carrier- I am a proponent of any baby carrier, actually. Currently, we have an ERGO carrier, Maya ring sling and two wraps. I plan on writing a separate post about the benefits of baby wearing another day but I like to talk about it whenever I can too! :) 

Babywearing for the win!! 

 Lincoln and Lexi- For those folks in the DSM area, Lincoln and Lexi has also been our go to spot for personalized items, hair bows and clothes that you can’t find anywhere else in DSM. You can also create custom orders on blankets and clothes. If you take a look at Sophia's birthday posts, all of her shirts are from Lincoln and Lexi. One of my favorite things we have ever purchased are their blankets. Super soft, quality material and personalizable. Can’t say enough for this locally based company.

The lil babe and her blankie- can't see it well but obviously it's her favorite! :)

BumGenius 4.0 Diapers- When we decided to cloth diaper, we did a lot of researching and with help from a few people decided to take the leap and purchase a small amount of these diapers. When Saidey was born, we waited until she was about 4-6 weeks old and we have not looked back since. We love these diapers- the ease of them, the look, the durability. Again, the benefits of cloth diapering should be a separate post. Little Padded Seats in Valley West Mall is a great place to start looking at cloth diapers as they offer a class as well as opportunity to look at the diapers all in one spot. They also have carriers you can try on before you buy. We love being able to support local businesses whenever we can. 

My, what a fluffy bum you have! 

Amber Necklace: When Saidey was around 4 months, we decided to jump on the amber necklace train. Now, at 17 months, that thing is still strung around her neck. We got ours at Little Padded Seats. 

We have noticed a difference in drooling, irritability, and sleep patterns when she doesn’t have it on. It may be all in our heads or she may just be a really happy teether but regardless, that thing is staying on!

So, there ya have just a few of my favorite things! Now, tell me, what are yours?! 

Why Coffee Dates are Good for the Soul

I sat down and finally compiled a list of my favorite must haves for moms. I chose pictures, edited them and wrote the post, all ready to be posted on my blog.

But then I went on a coffee date with one of my dear friends from ISU. We were randomly assigned as roommates our freshmen year on the sixth floor (Bates) in Willow Hall. Even though we didn't exactly hit it off right away, it wasn't long before we were talking late into the night and getting into downright shenanigans together. Some may say it was opposites attracting- a tall blonde and a short Asian girl- walking side by side down Welch Ave. Even as the years have passed and we have gone on our separate paths- her to chiropractic school and into her second year of owning her own chiropractic practice and me onto getting married, graduate school and having children- we always pick up right where we left off. Today, it was at Smokey Row, laughing at her latest dating adventures.

We caught up and talked about the usual, her family, my family, work and kids. One of the questions that she asked me though was one that left me thinking on my way home. It was, "What do you do for fun?" It took me a minute to answer and now that I look back, I realize it was because I had to think, "Yes, Shay, what DO you do for fun?" My answer was that most of my fun revolves around family and that Will and I need to take the time to take date nights. When I said this, it lead us to discuss where she is in her life- independent and free to go and do wherever/whatever she chooses. She talked about how at this point in her life she is HAPPY to be independent and not have to answer to anyone. How she loves her freedom and she sheepishly said, "Maybe that makes me selfish." As she was talking, the wheels in my head already started spinning. The first thing that I thought about was how proud I am to have her as a friend- she is a successful, independent woman whose dreams I have seen come to fruition. From a freshman at ISU dreaming of becoming a chiropractor to actually living her dreams is something of an inspiration.

It also got me thinking about my life and the path I have taken in my life and how different it is from hers. Never in my life did I imagine at 27 I would be married with two kids. I sort of have to pinch myself now. When I was in high school and making plans for the future (you remember in this post- I like to plan) they involved moving out of Iowa and working in a big city. My, how those plans got thrown out the window! Shows what I know about my so called "plans!" But as I was driving home, I was thinking even more about what she said about having fun and how much of what I think as FUN has changed over the years. Now my fun consists of catching up on Big Brother episodes or going to places with my family and seeing things through the eyes of Sophia and Saidey. What I SHOULD have told her is that WHENEVER the time comes for her to get married or have kids- if that is the path she chooses (but between you and me, I think it could be anytime :) ) getting married and especially having kids DOES change your life, your lifestyle. Your priorities change and you most likely aren't going to be able to hop on a plane to anywhere (Yup, I'm talkin' bout you, Miss I'm going to El Salvador in 3 days) in the world. BUT despite those sacrifices you make, IT IS WORTH IT. Every single moment. I would also tell her that living for her, not living for a man or anyone else, right now is NOT selfish. That there needs to be more women in the world that are comfortable in their own skin, comfortable to be alone. Ok with being alone. Confident. Independent. But I also want to let her know that I believe the right person is out there for her- someone she can still have FUN with, that complements her independent, confident, strong side. And if she ever decides to have kids- that she will make one hell of a great mom.

Look at those youngins!!

I love this girl even 10 years later! 

Not Everything is Always as it Seems

Since I have been writing a lot more on my blog, I have been reflecting a lot about life in general. Recently, I really have thought about how my career choice says a lot about who I am as a person. When you think about your career choice, how well does it reflect your own beliefs? Personality? Morals and values? Sometimes, those reflections aren't thought of or reflected upon but I feel as though one's career choice says a lot about them and who are they are as a person. Those of us who are in the mental health field or in the human services field in general most likely aren't in it for the big bucks. We do what we do because we have a genuine desire to make other's lives a little better. To make a small difference. One thing that I believe my career choice reflects well about myself is that I am a helper. I am loyal to a T and if I am loyal to you, I've got your back. I also am a giver. I place other's needs and desires before my own. This is quite true to any relationship I am in and sometimes, admittedly it can be to a fault. Sometimes, it is easier to focus outwards than inwards and my career has enabled me to focus all of my energy on helping other's solve their own problems but I also believe that it has allowed me to not face some of my own issues. There have been a lot of dark times that I am just now beginning to deal with. There have been times when I question my own sanity and my own ability to help other's if I in fact, am not helping myself. There have been times when I felt it would probably be beneficial to seek therapy myself for some issues that occurred during childhood and the very stigma (if you go to therapy you are weak or crazy) I try to dispel in my career, I was perpetuating! In the past, I wouldn't dare seek therapy because then that would somehow make me weak or crazy or somehow lessen my credibility as counselor. Thankfully I have come to my senses and know that in order to help others and to be the best mom I can be, that sometimes I have to put me first and it's ok.

My point of this post has sort of gone in the wrong direction but I think the point I am trying to make is that for most of the people that stumble across this blog, they see smiling faces, happy kids, happy parents and a general happy life. And while that is true generally, sometimes pictures only tell half the story. I go through my fair of life struggles, I fight with my husband, I yell at my kids, and my house is a mess at this very moment. Even though I am posting strategies to combat power struggles, I was in one myself this very morning with a feisty four year old. Sometimes, too when people hear what I do for a job, people think "she must have it together," "her kids must be so well behaved." But let me tell you, that is far from the truth.

So, while obviously I like to highlight the positives on my blog as well as always try to find the silver lining, just know that as the title implies, not everything is always as it seems.

 

 

 

 

Favorite Quote of the Day:

 

       This little lady was not having the zoo. Or the train ride. A picture I had not posted on the blog of our trip to the zoo but just to show you how pictures only tell half the story. 

Frozen Frenzy

For the past few weeks, it has been all about FROZEN in our house. Frozen decorations, Frozen cake, Frozen outfit. Try talking an almost four year old out of something- I tried selling Olaf in the summer, general princess party and nothin'. She insisted on Frozen and so that's what we did. Here are some pictures of the Frozen fourth birthday party!

Our Frozen girl 

Elsa Cake! 

Performing "Let It Go" 

Saidey's having fun at the party!