Bidding Adieu to 2014 and Hello to 2015

Another year has come... and gone. We are gearing up for another year and again, I am faced with the reality that as usual, life is moving on, whether I'm ready or not. The girls will get another year older, with the BIG FIVE this year and Saidey onto the not so terrible two's. And myself- another year older and that much closer to the big 3-0.

As I reflect on 2014 there are moments that stick out to me that I see clear and crisp along with sounds of laughter and fun. The moments where I was able to freeze time just for a millisecond and really take everything all in. The sights, sounds and most importantly, seeing things as they were happening through the eyes of a little one. Our family trips to St Louis, Omaha Zoo, and then there was Arizona and Jamaica and even the everyday things like seeing my children snuggled together on the couch or the moments where even just for a snapshot- things were peaceful and the only thing that mattered were the moments of just being together as a family.

A few things happened this year that really affected me personally and professionally. I have had struggles in both areas and this has been a year where I really questioned myself professionally and my decisions career wise. Questions like, "Am I REALLY happy?" and "What do I REALLY want to do with my life?" have not only affected my personal life but my general well being. For once in my life, I haven't been sure, I haven't been 100% positive that this is the path I am supposed to be on and that 100% scared me. I didn't like feeling unsure and I didn't like not having a plan. I will have to say that I'm still not 100% sure but I also have learned the importance of not only standing up for myself but I've begun to take my own advice- which is- "Shit or get off the pot." If I'm not happy- the only one that can change the situation is ME and I need to take control and take the steps necessary to be happy or move on! It took me a good six months to realize this and to start taking my own advice.

As far as personally, I feel as though parenthood is also a work in progress and as parents we are always sort of learning as we go. Even situations that we think we have prepared for or that we think we know how we will react, things don't always go our way. This has come ten fold as Sophia has entered the school system. It has tested me as a parent in ways I didn't realize. I give out information/feedback/guidance to parents all the time in my profession and yet when the tables are reversed it's a tough pill to swallow when YOUR child is having the behavior difficulties. It has provided me with a new insight into how families feel when they are called into the school's office because of their child's behavior. The hesitation, defensiveness is all seen in a new light now that I have been on that other side of the table.

Another year passing has always seemed a little bittersweet just because I have always felt that the days, months and years go by with a blur, especially since I graduated college. Sometimes, I feel like the years are passing me by and before I know it, the years will be gone and I will be gray and old, reflecting on life and asking myself if I have lived my life in the best way possible. That is scary to me because sometimes it is hard to answer that question now- am I living my life in the direction I really want- and scary because sometimes that answer is "no" Too often, I am living for others, trying to please others, instead of doing what I need or want. But on the other hand, as I saw a quote on Instagram just today, a new year comes a new slate. And with a new year, comes new beginnings and new found motivation to spend more QUALITY time as a family, doing what is right for my family and myself, period, and to take things one day at a time.


"Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one." 

January 2014

February 2014- we send Brooklyn off for a semester abroad in Chile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March 2014- Saidey turns 1

March 2014 at Saidey's 1st Birthday Party

April 2014

May 2014- William starts a new job at BusinesSolver

June 2014

July 2014 Sophia turns FOUR

August 2014 IOWA STATE FAIR

September 2014 GO STATE

September 2014

October Girl's trip to AZ

October- 5 Yr. anniversary in Jamaica

October 2014 Happy Halloween

November 2014

Christmas 2014

December 2014

December 2014

December 2014

Christmas 2014 Family Picture Attempt Number 4....

And that about sums up our year! HAPPY 2015!!

Tangled in Tinsel

Stockings. Elf on the Shelf. Lights and decorations. Christmas tree. Ornaments. Eggnog. Candy canes. Mistletoes. Presents and Packages. If you are like many families around the country, these words bring a nostalgic feeling only the holidays can do. And, if you are like many families around the country, currently, you are preparing and bustling for the upcoming holiday.


The Scholtes family members have been very busy, from moving Peppermint (our Elf) each night and trying to think of clever things Peppermint is going to surprise us with in the morning to figuring out what to gift our child care provider who does so much, each day, to cleaning and organizing for guests to stay at our home during the holidays. You know, #firstworldproblems. I wrote this post, about slowing down, taking things in but I am finding that pretty difficult amidst the hustle and bustle that is the holidays. From Thanksgiving through December 26th- it is non stop- traveling, shopping, preparing, cleaning and eating and it reminds me very much of wedding planning. You do SO much to make that day JUST SO, and then that day comes, and it's gone in a blink of an eye.


With all the craziness that is the holidays- I've really tried hard this year to remember the reason for the season, and try not to get tangled in tinsel, so to speak.  I am trying to slow down and really remember what this is all about. While I love the hustle and bustle of the holidays and I love the shopping, decorating and the excitement and magic of Christmas-I am humbled to realize that my #firstworldproblems are just that. There are people right in our own communities who are worrying about how they can provide their kids with just one gift for them to open on Christmas day rather than deciding between getting an American Girl doll or the Target brand, Our Generation doll.


We have put in a conscious effort this year to really talk to Sophia about being thankful as well as begin talking to her about how there are people who are less fortunate than we are. It is amazing at how excited she gets to purchase gifts for other children and the level of understanding a four year old can have. She gets it. What are some ideas you all have to help keep your children grounded during the holidays? And how do YOU stay grounded and stress free as possible? Please share!



Scholtes Xmas Card 2014

Putting up the Christmas tree!

Saidey's one ornament contribution

The Elf has arrived! (That darn elf! Remind me why we thought this was a great idea?!)

Sophia and Susie in matching PJ's

At the IMax theatre, watching Polar Express. Courtesy of our great chiropractic office!

Some of Peppermint's shenanigans

Getting ready to make the gingerbread house!



Gingerbread House!

Is My Child Normal?

I’ve struggled for a while about writing this specific post. It is difficult for me to write about and have it all in the open for everyone to know about.  (Ok, maybe the few who read this blogJ). I think every new and even seasoned parent sometimes questions their child’s development at one time or another. Why isn’t my child walking yet? Or, why isn’t she saying very many words yet? We look at other children around the same age and we start comparing and then we get filled with anxiety when our child isn’t doing what that child is doing yet.

 

Another part of this is deciding when a behavior is within the “normal” range of a typical developing child or if it’s not. Is it normal that my child freaks out when foods touch on their plate? Is it normal that my child lines things up in a perfect order? What I have found is that there is such a wide range of “normal” that questions like these are so very hard to answer. It makes it hard to determine that fine line between “normal” and a problem. The reason why I have debated writing this post is because recently we have had these exact same questions bombarding our night time conversations as Sophia has entered the school system and it’s something that hits very close to home. But I have decided to write this because maybe, somewhere, it might help that mom or dad out there with the exact same questions.

 

We always chalked up her slow to warm up personality on shyness. We would joke ,“that’s just Sophia- when she wants to be friendly with adults, she does and when she doesn’t, she doesn’t.” Sophia definitely has maintained this sort of temperament all through infancy to present. She has always been the timid-slow to warm up to new situations and people- she’s gotta check everything out before diving in.  She connects with some adults just fine and others; she buries her head in my leg and my once singing-can’t keep her quiet in the car-daughter becomes silent. It can happen at the grocery store or at the doctor’s office- a seemingly, nice adult asks Sophia a question or compliments her on her outfit and she goes silent. Sometimes, even in situations that she is uncomfortable in she begins saying “Mama, mama” in a baby voice. I have always reminded her to “use her big girl voice.” Again, we didn’t think much of it and chalked it up to shyness. It has definitely gotten better and I have slowly seen her come out of her shell but she still has her moments.

Recently, at school, if she is requested by an adult to answer a question or prompted in anyway, she shuts down- doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t want to choose a center, doesn’t want to participate. She does slowly come out of it but it has happened now, three times. You might think, three times isn’t a big deal, but now, as she is getting older and we are thinking about whether to enroll her in Kindergarten next year- the doubt slowly creeps in. IS her behavior normal? If she enters Kindergarten and an adult asks her a question- and she goes mute and shuts down- how will this work? How will she succeed if she doesn’t respond to prompts by a teacher?  

 

As I am thinking about her “shyness” all the questions and thoughts come into my mind at once and I am thinking about her quirks in behavior- the way she hoards her things and has to have things “just so,” how she is a picky eater and has an aversion to some textures, how she sometimes doesn’t use her words and it results in a meltdown, her difficulty with change in routine, and more importantly, how she becomes shut down if an adult tries to interact with her. And then I think about the opposing arguments, she DOES interact with MOST adults- she does fine with this person or this person, she plays with friends at school and daycare, she befriends peers that she meets at the Chick Fil A play area, her language development is on track, and academically she is on track.

 

Then I am thinking about worse case scenarios- does she have a developmental disorder? Could she be on the spectrum? Is it something else that I’m not seeing? And then like I do, my mind snowballs into IEP’s, behavior plans, accommodations and dealing with the school system. I am sitting at work and while I am talking to teachers about behaviors, in the back of my head, I’m thinking, “That sounds like Sophia!” Or, I am looking at screening checklists for autism and other disorders, thinking about what my answers would be for Sophia.

 

I know Will is annoyed by all this and he disagrees wholeheartedly that Sophia’s difficulties are anything more than her temperament/personality and that SHE IS JUST FINE. JUST FINE. I’m still not 100% sure but I do know that either way, she is still my spunky, sassy, caring little girl regardless of any diagnosis or label placed on her. I picked her up from daycare after talking to her teacher about my thoughts and she looked at me with her big, brown-almost black eyes, smiling, telling me about how her day went, and all the thoughts that were occupying my mind throughout the day, melted away. This is my girl. Simple as that.

 

What our next steps are, I’m not sure. I do know that we will probably need to support Sophia and advocate for her in the classroom setting. I realize it is only November and she still has a good chunk of the school year to become more emotionally/socially ready for Kindergarten. This brings some peace to mind. I also know that there are resources and tools out there for parents with the same questions as ours. We will probably have to do some work at home and practicing of social situations.

 

If you have any worries at all about your kiddo’s development, trust me in this- you are not alone! As I said before, I think every parent questions whether or not, at one time or another, if their child is on the right track developmentally. If you do have any questions there are resources out there! I have shared my favorite resources and if there are any concerns, do know that early intervention is key- the sooner the delay or concern gets addressed, the better the outcome.

 

Resources:

http://www.heartlandaea.org/- Early Access. A great, free service for kiddos 0-3. Concerns about development- speech etc. these are the people to call!

http://www.idph.state.ia.us/1stfive/links.asp 

http://www.zerotothree.org/- a great website about development in kiddos

A little blurry but one of my favorite readings about parenting by Brene Brown.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

They say traveling is one of the best things you can do with your money. I think I would have to agree. In the past month, I have traveled to Scottsdale, Arizona and then Ocho Rios, Jamaica a week later. Now, don't get me wrong, I am in no means a world globe trotter- these were the first trips I have taken for about 3 years- and before that, I was just a single gal so traveling took a different meaning back then. In the past though, I have always loved to travel, mainly to visit my grandparents at their home away from home in the US Virgin Islands when I was younger and then to the British Virgin Islands when I was a little older. I have also traveled to Mexico and stayed summers there visiting family as well as taken a trip to Spain and Portugal when I was 14. Some of my greatest memories come from these adventures and of course- life, has gotten in the way of my love for travel. (Yes, that was an excuse, I was hoping you would miss that). Oh and having two kids, having two kids (there's another excuse) sort of impacts your ability to travel. And money. Well, travel like the way we used to anyway. Now, traveling consists of planning, lots and lots of planning. Questions of who will stay with the kids to preparing lists of instructions, leaving behind medical releases, and copies of insurance cards. And don't get me going when you actually decide to travel with the kids. But it can be done and you know what, even when you are half way around the world and can't cut the toast in the way that Saidey really likes it, the world keeps spinning and they survive. I think about all the effort and attention I put in to make their little worlds perfect and then laugh a little when I realize that they probably don't really care about all that. All they care about is that they are loved and taken care of. So, this also reminds me that sometimes, I need to relax. That the house doesn't have to look perfectly cleaned and that it's okay that a laundry of clean, folded clothes sits in that basket for one two weeks er, until we just continue to retrieve clothes from said basket until empty. What really matters is the time that I spend with them. I also realized, plain and simple- I NEED TO GET OUT MORE and spend time with my husband. I realized that if we aren't okay- our family isn't okay. One of my main priorities is our relationship and my commitment to my husband. Sometimes it takes a little time away from everything to remember that and to re-prioritize.

Another huge realization that I came to while vacationing in Jamaica, though was that for the rest of my life- however long that may be- a huge part of my heart is not in my body. It resides in two little girls, whom I fell in love with the moment I found out I was pregnant. This feeling that my heart will always be with them, outside of myself, even when they are old and no longer "need" me overwhelmed me. For moms, it seems that the moment we find out we are pregnant, a big majority of our hearts are found in our children. No longer are our hearts our own. I wrote this post about the responsibilities that moms take on, and this is one of them. A double edged sword. Of course, I would never ever take the feeling of my heart being outside of myself away but at the same time, it sort of scares me. If my heart is with them always, what does this mean? Not only does it mean that no matter how far away we travel from each other, there will always feel like a part of me is missing. I am almost 100% sure this feeling will last long after they have both moved out of our home and have made homes of their own. But I also think that it makes it that much more important to continue to do what interests me- not as a mom- but as ME- the book worm, journaling, bad music, nerdy, reality TV- loving ME. In this post I talked about how it can be easy to let our roles define us and although being a mom is large role I have, it's not the only one. Traveling away from the kids, really makes me remember this point.  It also includes continually getting to know Will- finding new things about each other and finding new things that we both take interest in. After all, when the kids leave, we will only have each other.

And of course as the title implies- after traveling there is absolutely nothing else that tops the feeling of returning home to your little ones- seeing them smile and run to you is like nothing in this world. But I will admit, I will probably be setting my globe trotting shoes in the back of my closet, for a little while, anyway- while I love on my two gals and guy. 

(A specific post about our time at the resort and pictures to follow later)

Will and I at just one of the amazing restaurants the resort had to offer. 

One of the many beautiful views 

Our candle lit anniversary dinner on the beach

Night Eyes 2014
A Witch and her Black Cat

The Best $250 I Ever Spent

When the opportunity of going on a girls' trip to Arizona first presented itself, I was a little excited and a lot anxious. The thought of leaving the girls was enough to wedge just a little hesitation in my voice when I said, "Yes, let's do it!" I hadn't taken a girls trip since college and more importantly, hadn't left Saidey for more than a few days in the 18 months of her life.

I also hadn't been the best at keeping in touch with my college roommate, Jess- who we were going to visit in Arizona. I guess life and being busy has a way of doing that- 6 years had gone by and I realized that we lost touch. So, not only was this a perfect opportunity to reconnect with old friends, it was also a big deal to me to take a little time for myself and get away for four days. As the time to leave drew near, so did my thoughts of worry. I worried that Saidey wouldn't sleep well, that she would wake up in the middle of the night, and be hard to console back to sleep. I worried that Sophia would forget her backpack or have a meltdown due to change in routine.

When the plane touched down in Phoenix, and I had collected my bags, I found myself quickly immersed in catching up and picking up right where we left off. Jess- even though we picked up right where we left off- let's not make it 6 years before we talk again! :) It was like the six years hadn't even existed and we had just seen each other the day before. We caught up on life, love and relationships- although I will admit, I had way less exciting updates than she. :) We talked about jobs, friendships, kids and life in general. It was about 1PM when I looked down at my watch and realized I hadn't changed a diaper, wasn't a referee between the kids, and that I hadn't wiped a nose or had a nose wiped on my shoulder.

The rest of the weekend was more of that- catching up, laughing- oh the laughing!, and spending quality time with friends. I can't tell you how good it felt to be in the warm weather and just enjoying time with friends. It really warms the soul and I felt refreshed and rejuvenated. I will say that on this Monday, I am feeling exhausted, but it's the good kind of exhausted. It's the kind of exhausted that you know you just had a great time, didn't get a whole lot of sleep, and acted like you were much younger than you really were. For four days, I was just a girl (ok, probably a lady) with her friends. I wasn't a mom with two kids, a stroller, and a diaper bag. And that's the thing I also realized. I am SO MUCH more than a mom. Being a mom has changed me and it is a big part of my life. But there is so much more to me than just being a mom. Sometimes, we define ourselves by our roles. Mother, daughter, coworker, friend etc.. and we forget who we really are. We are more than just the roles that we are given and sometimes it takes us to get out of those roles to remember that. And even though it's been 10 years since I was in college, there are still parts of that girl that is still here. And it felt great getting to know that girl again.

It also made me realize the importance of friendships. The kinds of friendships where even if we don't talk everyday, we can still see each other and pick up right where we left off. The friendships where you can laugh at even the smallest thing. It's the inside jokes and it's the taxi ride home. And it's the bike in the living room that you fall into while trying to be quiet.  The kind of friendships that you know will last a lifetime. That even though so much has changed in all of our lives, we can still get together and have a good time. That despite the different places we might all be in our lives that there are still more similarities than differences amongst us. It also made me realize how important it is to take time to maintain friendships. I will be the first to admit that I am not the best at calling friends or keeping in touch. I can get caught up in day to day life and forget to stop and take time to call a friend or even take time for myself. So, if anything, this trip made me realize how good it felt to spend time with friends and to put in a better effort at making sure I take time to catch up with friends, go out to eat etc.

So to all my mommy friends out there- I know how hard it is to leave your kiddos. And I'm not saying it's easy or that even once you leave you won't miss them. Because you will. They will be with you the entire time. You might even think about them- wondering how they're doing and what they're doing. And that's ok. But if you can just get your booty out the door, trust me, it's well worth it! I also promise you that everyone will survive while you're gone.